Ready for the Rugby World Cup?

We are having a tongue-in-cheek look at the 2011 Rugby World Cup and what may happen in your household over the coming weeks. With 20 countries participating in 48 games over 6 weeks in 13 locations around New Zealand, there is sure to be many hours in front of the TV to come.

An open letter to our wives, fiances, girlfriends, mums, sisters, daughters and any other non-rugby watching friends,

1. From 9 September to 23 October 2011, you should read the sports section of the newspaper every day or follow Know_The_Game on twitter so you are aware of what is going on at the Rugby World Cup. This is so you are able to participate in the conversations that occur during this period. If you fail to do so, you will be looked at in a bad way or will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. Throughout the 6 weeks of the Rugby World Cup the television is all mine - at all times, without any exceptions. If you even glimpse at the remote control, you will be excluded from the TV viewing area.

3. If you have to pass in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put your clothes on immediately after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the Rugby World Cup.

4. During the games, I will be effectively blind, deaf and mute unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, take the garbage out, answer the phone or check on the baby. IT WON'T HAPPEN.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two 6-packs of beer in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of chips, nuts and other treats to nibble on and, please, do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch a game. In return, you will be allowed to use the television between the hours of 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please......if you see me upset because my team is losing, DO NOT say "Get over it. It's only a game" or "Don't worry. They'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Your so called 'words of encouragement' will only lead to an extended period of non-communication, a break up or a divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me at half time but only when the commercials are on and only if the half time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying one game, hence do not use the Rugby World Cup as a cheesy excuse to 'spend some time together'.

8. The replays of the tries and goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them. I want to see them again....many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that require my attendance because I will not go, I will not go and I WILL NOT GO. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Friday night or any other time across the weekend to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

10. The Rugby World Cup highlights shown on TV every night are just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "But you have already seen this. Why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" The reply will be "Refer to Rule 2."

11. And, finally, please save your expressions such as "at least the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words because after this comes the footy finals, the golf and then the summer of cricket.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Regards,
Men of the World*


Whether you choose to follow the above rules or not, you can stay across the details of the Rugby World Cup by following us on facebook. We will make sure you know who is playing when and how the mighty Wallabies are faring. 

Alternatively, surprise the men in your life, and learn about the game they play in heaven. Know The Game will be running workshops about the fundamentals of rugby union during the Rugby World Cup. Visit our events page or email us to register your interest.


* Article adapted from a 2006 FIFA World Cup article for womensvillage.com